Episode 9: Just Different Enough

[intro]

Welcome everyone to The Michael Christopher Program.

I recently installed a new computer- a supercomputer in fact, with voice interface.

Let me start it up...

[computer startup sound]

Computer, I'm feeling sick. What should I do?

[computer beep] KILL YOURSELF

What?

[computer beeps]

Are you malfunctioning, computer?

[more computer beeps]

I've seen enough Star Trek to know how to destroy this computer. I'll just ask it an impossible question and its logic circuits will overload...

Computer, calculate Pi to the last possible digit.

[several computer beeps]

You see, Pi is infinite. It can't possibly do this.

[more computer beeps]

What? It actually computed an answer. Pi apparently is finite and the last digit is 9. Wow...

Perhaps this is the type of computer that responds to bad jokes.

Hey computer, what did the grape say to the other grapes about the sun?

[computer beeps]

"You guy's hang out here, I'm gonna go try to raisin with him."

[computer overload sound]

(reading) Temporary Failure?

[play: "Star Track" theme]

That last note makes it just different enough for me not to be sued.


[guitar riff]

Who has time anymore for the 12-bar blues? I sure don't. That's why I play something called the 6-bar blues.

[guitar trill]

In traditional 12-bar form, you use the 1, 4, and 5 chords, played usually 1 1 1 1 4 4 1 1 5 4 1 1.

Pretty boring, eh?

What if I told you that you could get the same amount of blues with only half the bars?

The 6-bar structure cuts the time in half while still using the correct chords. Allow me to demonstrate...

[6-bar shuffle]

...and repeat as needed.

What I just played was 1 4 1 5 4 1, and to get that specific sound, I used my palm to mute the strings near the bridge.

This is what it would sound like without the muting.

[play: open low E string]

I'm playing my old Squire Stratocaster, which I lovingly refer to as The Red Herring.

It's a pretty versatile instrument.

Allow me to demonstrate by playing the intro music to the next segment.

First, I'll turn my amp from smooth to crunchy.


[segment intro]

Eh, there's nothing in this segment. I just wanted to play that cool intro.

And now, the cool outro.

[segment outro]



As you might infer from the title of our next segment, as it one which lends itself to discovery, the Comedy Spotlight spotlights comedy.

And this week, the comedy of Michael Christopher will be spotlit.

[Comedy Spotlight theme]

[laughter and applause]

My wife doesn't know how orange juice works.

[laughter]

I'm serious. She'll open up herself a brand new jug, pour some right off the top.

[laughter]

The watery taste baffles her every time.

[laughter]

Well hell, you gotta shake it up first, honey.

But I can see how that mighta slipped her mind.

You fellas there, you know what I'm talking about.

[laughter]


OK, I'm going to stop this segment right now. That guy was horrible.

Um, it looks like were just about out of time so...

This has been The Michael Christopher Program.

[outro]