Episode 8: Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009

[intro: There Are No Cupcakes]

Indeed there are no cupcakes.

You're listening to The Michael Christopher Program.

Today's episode is brought to you by Pall Mall cigarettes.

[Pall Mall cigarette commercial]

With our new sponsor, we can extend the show beyond the usual 5 minutes, possibly into the 6-minute range.

We'll start off by premiering a brand new game show, Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009, hosted by friend of the show, Chip MacGyver.



Chip: Welcome everyone to Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009!

[Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009 theme]

[applause]

Chip: Our contestant is Mort Carbuncle from Duluth, Minnesota.

Mort: Hello.

Chip: Alright Mort, are you ready to play Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009?

Mort: I'm here to win.

Chip: Alright then, excellent. [Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009 thinkin' music] Our first question: What program are you on when you're on The Michael Christopher Program?

Mort: Uh, well, uh... Hmm, sounds like a tough one. Uh, well. I watch M*A*S*H a lot on Monday nights, but my wife, she makes us watch Everybody Loves Raymond on Tuesdays. But uh, well. Hmm. Uh, well one time in the fourth grade, I won the spelling bee, and... I think one of the words I had to spell was "program", but I don't- I'm not really quite sure on that. I did buy a lottery ticket with the number 7 on it yesterday, and it didn't win, so it's not 7. Uh...

Chip: We'll give you more time to think about your answer as we take a quick commercial break.


[80s PSA drumbeat]

Don't lose hope, stay off the dope!

I'd rather eat a big ol' bug than take any stupid drug!

Whaddaya say when a cigarette's in your way? Tobacco is wacko!


[Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009 back-from-commercial music]

[applause]

Chip: And we're back! Alright, Mort, you've had time to think about the question. Any answers?

[Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009 thinkin' music]

Mort: Uh, well. I almost came to an answer over the commercial break, but then I flipped a coin and it landed wrong. So uh... What is the prize again?

Chip: It's a mystery.

Mort: What was the question again?

Chip: Remember Mort, the question is: What program are you on when you're on The Michael Christopher Program?

Mort: That's right, ah... I'm tryin' to think back to the story my dad always told me about gettin' stuck by lightning while we were workin' in the coal yard. I think it was, "Hey, don't get struck by lightning." But uh, I don't- I'm not gonna say- I don't think that's the right answer. But, uh... I think I'm gonna go with: The Michael Christopher Program? I think, wait, wait, wait... wait. Eh, I don't know, yeah I guess.

Chip: Are you sure? Are you ready to lock in with that final answer?

Mort: Ah... I don't think that's right, but I'm just so tired of thinkin' about it. Uh, plus I'm pretty sure there's a hockey game on TV in Duluth tonight, uh, that I really want to watch, so... I hope I win.

[drum roll]

Chip: You're correct! [ding ding ding ding] That is correct. [Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009 correct answer music] When you're on The Michael Christopher Program, the program you're on is The Michael Christopher Program!

Mort: Really? I got it right? What- does that mean I won something really cool?

Chip: Yes, you win our secret mystery prize!

Mort: Yes!

Chip: And this week it is pimento loaf! [tada sound]

Mort: ...pimento loaf?

Chip: Yes, winners of the Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009 will win one slice of pimento loaf.

Mort: It's not even the whole loaf, Chip?

Chip: No. That would cost extra.

Mort: ...thanks. I guess.

Chip: Well, another happy winner. Join us next week for Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009!

[Secret Mystery Giveaway 2009 theme song]



That game show indeed begs the question: Who wants pimento loaf?

A brief side note, that game show was canceled after one episode.


Well, that's all the time we have for this week.

This has been The Michael Christopher Program.


[outro]