Episode 4: Bitterness

[intro]

And now, a shameless self-promotion.

[thunder sound effect]

Mark your calendars, straight down the middle!

Because every Wednesday, listen for new episodes of The Michael Christopher Program!

[thunder sound effect]


That spot was done by our announcer, Michelangelo. You may have heard him before on some radio commercials.

Host: You've accumulated quite a body of work.

Michelangelo: That's right Michael, I have. I want you to listen to this tape.

[tape sound]

Michelangelo: That's Scotch tape. Oh yeah.

Host: What are you their spokesman?

Michelangelo: No Michael, I'm their jokesman.

Host: Our announcer, Michelangelo. Take a bow.

[head bump sound]

Host: Oh! Watch the mic.

Michelangelo: Be safe this holiday weekend, and remember if you're going to fly somewhere, take a plane.

Host: Holiday weekend? Let me check my calendar...

July 26 this year is Parents' Day, but this only applies to people with parents. So, those without parents cannot celebrate.


What?

I'm just being told by our producer that we have on the phone... filmmaker Fivekle Winerino.

You probably know Fivekle best as director of the retard classic Murder Mike starring Horny McDojo as Mike and pan-faced actress Moomoo Femur as woman who murders Mike.

You sir are hideous, and your movies are ridiculous. In Murder Mike for example, someone takes off their hat and there's a knife whooshing sound effect. A hat couldn't make that sound even if it were whipped through the air at 50 miles per hour.

[silence]

Hmm. We seem to have lost our connection.

Perhaps some Comedy Spotlight will ease my bitterness.

[Comedy Spotlight theme]

This week, the comedy of Michael Cristopher.



[applause]

Bum-bum bum-bum bum-bu-dump dum-bum.

Hogan's Heroes...

[audience laughter]

What a colossal piece of ---- that show was.

[audience laughter]

Can you imagine a sitcom today about Guantanamo Bay?

-------- torturing Arabs. A pyramid of naked prisoners set to a laugh track.

[audience laughter]

God I hated that show. I was so happy when I found out that Hogan was beaten to death with a camera tripod.

[audience laughter]

No one was ever more deserving of a brutal death than that talentless ----.

Ha, and M*A*S*H.

Remember back in the 70's when they thought long one-sided telephone conversations made for compelling television?

[audience laughter]

Shh...

I need complete silence for the full effect.

Korea. I miss- What? Korea... I miss you dad. What? Korea.

That's actual dialog from M*A*S*H, people.

[audience laughter]




Comedy, thy name is Michael.

[Comedy Spotlight theme with thumb on tape reel]

The Comedy Spotlight, a copywritten feature of this podcast.



Well, there's nothing left on this copy...

Hick Character: Woah woah woah! Hold on, how come I ain't in this show?

Host: Um, sorry Hick Character, you weren't in this week's show.

Hick Character: I'm fu- I'm a fan favorite. Come on!

Host: Uh... alright what are you gonna do for us?

Hick Character: I'm gonna pick on my guitar.

[Hick starts playing, but is stopped]

Host: I introduce you, you start playing and then we end the show. We did that last week.

Hick Character: No, that was different.

Host: How is this different?

Hick Character: I don't know, but we'll just do it anyway.

[Hick starts playing]

Hick Character: Yeah!

Host: This has been The Michael Christopher Program.

[outro]